My apology

I have been under fire for recent comments I have made about POC + I would like to apologize.

I cannot, however, apologize without shedding light on the PH + their biases as well.

In a forum thread titled “How would you react if "Bimbolands" went through a hijabi craze?” by the infamous user Candi Ashlee, I made some off-hand comments that I am deeply ashamed of.

The only things on my mind at the time of me participating in this conversation were

1) Candi Ashlee’s reputation for posting a forum thread that aimed to fetishize + sexualize Hijabi women. I had previously forum jailed her for her misuse of the forums.

“I am finding heavier and curvier hijabis more attractive”

2) The religious men + women who reacted to Mia Khalifa (a non-Hijabi) wearing the hijab in porn (on 18+ websites) by getting her banned from the entire country of Lebanon (her birthplace where she was also raised until 2001). Wearing the hijab in pornos also got Mia Khalifa doxxed + harassed by people (men, bigots, religious ((including Judaism + Christianity, Mormonism + Jehoovah’s Witness)) zealots, etc).

My intentions were to deter non-Hijabi people on Ximboland from entering a Ximboland contest that would require users to dress up wearing the hijab. I was fearing that if these same people who doxxed, harassed, + banned Mia Khalifa from returning to her own country, caught wind of this, that non-Hijabi users would be met with the same type of hatred.

I also figured that if the Middle Eastern, Muslim people had a problem with Mia Khalifa wearing the hijab as a non-Hijabi on an 18+ website, then they would feel the same way about people wearing the hijab as non-Hijabi people on an 18+ website.

I never intended to speak on behalf of the Muslim, Middle-Eastern people. I only meant to share what I had observed from Mia Khalifa’s experiences for obvious reasons. You, yes you, the person who’s reading this, may not consider Ximbo.land to be an 18+ website along the lines of a pornographic website, but I guarantee you that the people who unleashed their bigotry on Mia Khalifa would disagree wholeheartedly.

It also would not be environmentally appropriate because Ximbo.land is not a country where wearing the hijab is required or encouraged for those outside of the Muslim religion.

I misspoke later in the thread, + for that, I am so incredibly sorry. I never meant to speak on behalf of people with 4c hair, on people with darker skin tones. I only meant to share the wisdom I had learned from watching BIPOC creators like Jarvis Johnson talk about how white people masquerading behind black avatars with 4c hair is incredibly disturbing. (It disturbed me, too, when I first heard of it. Non-black people dressing up in darker skins that they have no idea what it’s like to live in is atrocious to me personally!)

When I realize that the black avatar I have associated with a user’s account is not actually any semblance of what that person looks like IRL, I feel betrayed. I feel like it is blackfishing. I feel like it’s an incredibly dishonest + disingenuous thing to do.

I apologize for my drunken stupor + in my anger towards religious zealots + whites who want to use a dark skin because it's “so cute for this outfit!”, misspeaking by saying that the only people who can have 4c hair are black people. BTW, if you want Black representation on this game, just invite your Black friends,,, unless you don’t have any, in which case, why do you feel comfortable dressing up as a Black avatar?

I’ve probably been an activist as long as y’all have been activists, okay? I apologize that when I was super drunk one night, I forgot about the white people who have 4c hair! The same people who are calling me a racist now probably would’ve called me “that friend that’s too woke” back in elementary school.

I apologize for, again being drunk + forgetting that non-middle eastern people wear the Hijab sometimes. I’ve probably met more Hijabis than any other white person in ATX because I went to a charter school that was predominantly Muslim. I’ve seen white-passing Middle-Eastern girls wear the Hijab, I’ve seen dark-skinned Black girls wear the Hijab, I’ve seen light-skinned girls wear the Hijab, I’ve seen tan Middle-Eastern girls wear the Hijab.

What stuck with me the most about that experience was hearing a tan Middle-Eastern girl vent to me about how she wanted to date this white-passing Middle-Eastern boy but she couldn’t because she wasn’t a Hijabi + his parents didn’t approve of her because of that.

I guess I do have a bias against extremely devout religious zealots, but as a certain (that friend who’s too woke) member of the community would say, people of any race can be members of any religion. So,,, it’s not racism, just religious trauma + knowing that religious zealots don’t fuck around. Anyways, I might have a bias against religion (which is a fucking choice), but I definitely do not have a bias against people of other races.

What I was led to believe was the issue for a month+ by a certain member of the PH being super vague in my jailing messages + spreading rumors throughout the people of Ximboland via groupchats on Discord being accessed despite the owner of the site wishing that the forum be used for its purpose, was that I said I might be Latino. This was, of course, until he found it appropriate to instate a “GOTCHA” moment through xeets…

My dad was adopted by white people (one of Jewish heritage + one who… IDEK but I’m pretty sure he was white), 45ish years later he reconnected with his birth mom who never told him about his birth father. He has two children from a previous marriage (Oldest has dark brown hair, olive skin, olive green eyes, the youngest has dark brown hair, tan skin, brown eyes). The youngest has been mistaken for being Latino his entire life. From kids speaking Spanish to him in the playground to adulthood where people in Southern California would speak Spanish to him on the streets.

My mother (different mom than the first two siblings) is white. My sister has blonde hair, tan skin, + blue/green eyes. People in our Spanish class used to come up to me + exclaim that my sister is a “thick latina” to me because her skin is that dark. I have dark brown hair, white skin, + dark green eyes. I’ve had a guy contact me on Hinge before saying “I love Latinas!”

If you saw me + my siblings all together in a photograph you’d utter the words “printer ran out of ink.” Seriously, I’m the palest one of them.

So fuck me for saying I might be Latino.

To this, one of the PH members had to say “you’re not latino if you didn’t grow up in Latin America + if you don’t speak the language,” which, ouch, you might want to consult your internal biases for that one. Seriously. My dad may be half latino + was adopted by white people who assumed he was white + you’re out here assuming that because he doesn’t speak Spanish + he’s from America, that he’s white? Like, let’s just get that straight, a member of the PH thinks the only Latinos that exist are the ones born + raised in Latin America…

I have cousins on my sibling’s mom’s side that are half Latino by marriage + they’re tan skinned, brown haired, + brown eyed. I’m unsure if they speak the language fluently.

I have a cousin on my mom’s side who is half Latina by marriage who has blonde hair, blue eyes, + speaks Spanish somewhat, is she not Latina?

This is pure xenophobia coming from the Pink House.

PH, what do you have to say to the members of the community who are undeniably Latino who grew up in white homes? What do you have to say about the members of the community who are undeniably Latino who grew up in homes where they weren’t taught Spanish? What do you have to say about the members of the community who are undeniably Latino but grew up in households where speaking English was encouraged but speaking Spanish was discouraged due to the threat of xenophobia/racism?

It’s now the PH’s turn to repeal what they have said about members within the community. It’s time for members of the PH to address their unprofessionalism + internal biases.