Hey everyone,
I’ve gone back and forth on what to say about this, if I wanted to say anything at all. I kind of wanted to do a collection for the shops to put a positive spin on things but lately I can't draw at all. The brain fog does that to you. But I guess this is what I've come up with. What I owe you guys for such sudden news.
Over the past few months, being on this platform has gone from something that brought me joy and connection to something that’s been steadily eroding my mental and physical health. The environment here has changed in a way that I can’t keep navigating safely or healthily. Certain individuals (and I won’t be naming anyone) have crossed lines repeatedly, from subtle mockery and vague posting to direct harassment, invasive questioning, and attempts to track or monitor what I do outside this space. I tried to brush it off for a long time, to keep creating and interacting as if it wasn’t affecting me, but it’s reached a point where pretending everything’s fine is impossible.
The truth is that this kind of sustained hostility takes a toll. I’ve been dealing with worsening anxiety and paranoia, constantly second-guessing who’s watching, what’s being said behind my back, and whether every post will be twisted into something to use against me. That paranoia has a history for me, and seeing it flare up again has been terrifying. It’s affected my sleep, my appetite, and even my ability to focus on daily tasks, I'm getting stuck back into the same old habits as early last year, checking all the locks 4 times before bed, putting a chair against my door to block out intruders.
I used to log in excited to share what I was working on, to talk with people who cared about the same things I do. Now I open the site and feel sick before I even see what’s new. That loss of passion, that sense of dread, isn’t something I want to keep feeding. I don’t want to become bitter or burnt out over something that once gave me genuine joy.
My health issues are not much of a secret here, I suppose. I've had an on-again off-again ED since I was 15, maybe a bit before then, it's a blurry time for me. I'm 21 now, it's still going on. I think it got a lot worse when I joined this space. That along with POTS means my physical health has always been less than stellar. It's not something I talk about outside of here, really this is the only space I have with people that understand what I'm going through, everyone else just pretends it's not there or gets guilt-trippy. It's pretty bad right now though. I'm having complications, kind of big ones, cardiovascular. I don't know what my future looks like, I don't know how much time I've got. I haven't told anyone, my sister just had her second child and it's not the time to dump that kind of thing on them.So, I’m leaving.
I'm going to delete my account in the next few days, along with my discord. If there's anything you want to say, anything you want to talk about, now is the time for that.
To those who have been kind, thank you. You’ve made this space brighter than you realize, and your support has meant more than I can put into words. Please don’t go after anyone on my behalf, I just want peace and distance. Maybe someday I'll come back, but I think my time here might be done. This site just keeps getting worse, and if I don't have much time left, I don't want to spend it here.
Thank you to Tibby, Daisydear, Miru, Moonflower, Dean, Lovelifegirl, mbbybbby and the late Daphnee_Mino, Pollyx and Katrynah in particular. Without you I wouldn't have rediscovered a passion for drawing and the last few months would've been a lot darker for me. I won't forget the time we've spent together, and I hope you won't either.Take care of yourselves and each other.
— Lindsay
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