hi everyone,
how are you doing today? i made this thread because i just want to rant and rave about some of the things going on in my life, good and bad. you can read it or not, but if you have something on your mind i encourage you to vent because it's healthy and we're anonymous soooo
i'm so relieved to be done with finals. just had my first quarter of my second year at college and ngl it was a little rough. i hope i'm going to get a 4.0 like i said i was going to, but at this point i'm not so sure. i know that to a lot of people, getting A-s and Bs in college, especially when you're taking an extra class than typical is an achievement, but i'm a bit obsessed about my gpa and i want that damn boost already. i feel like i need it to be as close to 4.0 (prob impossible now because i have gotten A-s and Bs in previous classes) but i just don't want it to drop by a lot. if i get a C i'm gonna have to completely bust my ass next quarter, which i've already done a bit. i submitted my last final a couple hours ago but i don't feel relieved. i had to write 8 essays (1 each for 3 classes, 1 long and 4 short for one) but i'm not very proud of a single one of them. i spent way too much time dicking around and not working as hard as i should have, and i ended up writing and submitting each and every one of those finals the night they were due at the exact time they were due, one of them about 20 minutes late but in that case i got the time wrong so i thought i was turning it in 10 minutes early - but i didn't. i'm nervous. i'm hoping that i haven't bit off more than i could chew. realisticly, i know i haven't, but i'm taking three majors and it is a lot. i guess it makes sense if i flub this quarter a little because i haven't taken upper division classes yet, let alone 20 credits of them instead of the standard 15, but i don't want to make excuses for myself. i have terrible time management skills and they caught up to me a bit this quarter. part of me hopes that i do poorly on my finals (not the biggest deal bc i have all a's currently - sry i have to flex a bit) so i actually have to push myself to work as hard as i know i can and stop being such a slacker. i probably don't sound like that much of a slacker, having three majors and generally good grades and all, but i just feel so drained and tired no matter what i do, even when school is not in session. i'm hoping to engage with spirituality, my hobbies, and reading things i enjoy a bit more now that this break is starting, and i'm hoping to incite some personal growth so i can do better in school and actually be proud of the things that i bust my ass over. i just called my boyfriend over skype tonight and told him how lucky i am to have him (we met by a stroke of luck) and how much i appreciate him. we've been dating 7 months as of last week and i just wanted to express this to him. anyways, i'm going to get back to packing up my stuff so i can go home tomorrow. i have to say even with the pressure of school, i'm the happiest and least anxious i've ever been. i'm not feeling very fulfilled or proud of myself, but i know there are steps i can take to change that. i need to make these moves to be a better scholar, friend, and person. i did try one thing - i was sober for two days short of three weeks for the first time in over three years. i realized i was drinking/smoking we'ed more days a week than i wasn't, so i decided to stop a bit and see how it impacted my memory, happiness, etc. so i decided to stop until my finals were done. my finals were done and i was literally shaking for 5 minutes after i turned my last one in, so i kicked back two hard seltzers and started to pack. i gotta say, i feel fine, but i had to question myself when i thought about opening a third. i'm glad i didn't feel the need to, but and i think i'll try to use these things in greater moderation from now on. i think the damage to my memory, emotional capacity, etc. is done so i don't know how often i'm gonna be sober from now on. maybe i'll only use on nights that aren't school nights? and i'll have class 5 days a week next quarter so maybe this is a good idea. well, okay, time to really get back to packing now. thanks, bimboland, for being somewhere i can go to destress, dress up a gorgeous lil gyal, and being an overall postivie environment in a rough time. i'm about 2000 bimbo dollars short of buying my first good outfit! i've been making outfits and taking down the names of the items in the shops so i can buy and wear them at a later time, lol. excited to show you guys and i hope you like it.
