its getting worse <3
Mental Health check-in
im turning 17 in like 2 hrs and i feel like an absolute failure
♡˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹grab my titty and call me pretty~
♡˚₊‧⁺˖
I think something is seriously wrong with me. I feel generally OK mentally. However, I've been experiencing periods where the world seems unreal. Everything is there, but it isn't. Everything is slightly off. You can hear everything, but slightly louder. The lights are just slightly too bright. It is like looking at your life through a movie lens. I feel like I entered a different reality. Basically it feels like when you look at images of the back rooms. It usually happens at night, around 8 PM. I'm not really new to derealization tbh, but I don't think the other things happening are normal... I feel like I can't trust my friends anymore. I think they're monsters. I genuinely feel like I am in a different reality. I'm scared to tell my friends. I can't tell if they're actually my friends or if they'll rip their human suits off and release some sort of demon and try to kill me. One thing that brings me slight comfort when this happens is staring at a screen of some sort. It feels like a portal back to my own world, it feels safe. My friends feel safe. But I can't be sure the screen is actually a portal to my own world. What if I am alone in the reality I am in? I want to talk to my friends for help, they feel safe- but I can't trust them. My mind tells me they are safe, but what if they are really monsters and have implanted false memories in me? What if I am actually the monster? When I look into the mirror when this is happening, I don't feel like my body is my own. It's my body, but it also... isn't. My eyes look empty. My body feels like nothing and it is not mine. When this is all happening the walls start buzzing like bees and I start seeing shadow people. I saw three sitting to the right of my desk, they were staring at me like I was on the executioner's block. I stared at them and they stared back at me, even when they had no eyes. I saw a shadow person- an outline of a younger girl- outside my window earlier that night. When I saw her, she very quickly walked out of my view, * towards my door *. As she moved I heard a higher pitched gurgly giggle noise. I am not sure how to describe it. The next night it happened again, I felt a presence in my house with me. I could not move from my desk for three hours. I could feel the presence sitting across from me, on the other side of my screen... waiting for me to look. A shadow on the living room wall kept morphing. It wasn't the shape of a person or anything but it really freaked me out. Another time this happened I was in my room and creatures straight out of a creepypasta were calling my name surrounded by my old childhood toys. They were telling me about the expansion of the universe, and how my life was meaningless... I see one of the creatures (looks like a mix of the Rake and the Russian Sleep Experiment thing) a lot. I just see him opening my bedroom door, then he quickly disappears.
Does anyone know what this means? Sorry it's a mess and a giant block I don't know how to... construct it? Lol
Does anyone know what this means? Sorry it's a mess and a giant block I don't know how to... construct it? Lol
hey beautiful i really think you should seek professional help. this worries me a little more than the average depressive thought. i understand that you feel like you cant trust your friends, but i still think you should try to get help. if you dont want to be so direct, maybe you can leave little hints here and there, like some kind of behavior that may warn them about your mental state, if you cant let them know by talking, then make them notice you by your behaviors. from what you wrote, i get that not only have you been feeling paranoid, but also having allucinations of some sort. this is not normal, and please dont let it get worse. i sincerely hope you get better, and i wish nothing but the best for you. maybe my lame ass advice wasnt much help at all, but please try to get help, even if the way you do it is unconventional. get well soon beautiful.
♡˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹grab my titty and call me pretty~
♡˚₊‧⁺˖
Well, I really need to vent.
I feel so bad recently and just after I made so much progress in therapy, I feel like I'm in a spiral again and soon I'll be back to my old self. I'm really scared of that. My confidence got better and everything, I stopped biting my nails and actually started using cream on my face and caring at all... but now I can't look at myself and I feel so disgusting. I'll never be just how I want to be and I still can't accept it. In the time that I got better I also got a crush who I actually see everyday but there's not much connection between us. I wanted to strike up a conversation a few days ago and he didn't even see me. I guess there's a bit of a height difference but the silence for like, more than 4 seconds got me so stressed that I ran away and I feel pathetic now. I have no experience irl, I'm in bad place mentally so I don't want to dump it all on anyone, I don't really have anyone about my age to talk to about it. Even if he didn't do it on purpouse it still hurt me bad, because I already started feeling worse, hating myself, so this just made it worse. I also feel bad for being so sensitive to the point of crying about basic everyday tasks. I was hoping I'd continue to make progress and feel better, but the fear was just too much for me to overcome. I just hope I don't get into my self-destructive habits again and just push through it all. Well, maybe I should also stop having any hopes for someone to notice me and make me feel appreciated and worthy of love. I also feel bad for being close to my parents. I mean, it's a good thing and I'm happy that our relationship is pretty good but I feel like I should have a life outside my house and occasional trips with family. I want it, but at the same time I don't have energy, confidence or courage to go out. I feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life...
I feel so bad recently and just after I made so much progress in therapy, I feel like I'm in a spiral again and soon I'll be back to my old self. I'm really scared of that. My confidence got better and everything, I stopped biting my nails and actually started using cream on my face and caring at all... but now I can't look at myself and I feel so disgusting. I'll never be just how I want to be and I still can't accept it. In the time that I got better I also got a crush who I actually see everyday but there's not much connection between us. I wanted to strike up a conversation a few days ago and he didn't even see me. I guess there's a bit of a height difference but the silence for like, more than 4 seconds got me so stressed that I ran away and I feel pathetic now. I have no experience irl, I'm in bad place mentally so I don't want to dump it all on anyone, I don't really have anyone about my age to talk to about it. Even if he didn't do it on purpouse it still hurt me bad, because I already started feeling worse, hating myself, so this just made it worse. I also feel bad for being so sensitive to the point of crying about basic everyday tasks. I was hoping I'd continue to make progress and feel better, but the fear was just too much for me to overcome. I just hope I don't get into my self-destructive habits again and just push through it all. Well, maybe I should also stop having any hopes for someone to notice me and make me feel appreciated and worthy of love. I also feel bad for being close to my parents. I mean, it's a good thing and I'm happy that our relationship is pretty good but I feel like I should have a life outside my house and occasional trips with family. I want it, but at the same time I don't have energy, confidence or courage to go out. I feel like I'm wasting the best years of my life...
This may help Rott but this message is for everyone else, too...
When you're feeling down, it can be helpful to look back at the progress you made.
Progress does not always occur in a straight line. I liken my own journey with mental health to hiking. Most hiking trails don't lead straight up a mountain. Instead, the path tends to be more gradual & it may seem to double back on itself at times.
I have been in a psychiatric hospital 5x. I have been on over 30 psychiatric medications, including ketamine. I still don't think I feel "normal." I still get insomnia. I still cope with anhedonia. I still get intrusive memories. Etc. But I have also made progress.
There was a point where I was unable to drive even a short distance due to anxiety. I now drive an hour one-way to & from work. The longest drive I've made is probably about 3 hrs, which is not as long as others I know, but it is progress to me.
It may be helpful to write down the ways you have made progress & keep the list somewhere to look at when you are feeling discouraged.
When you're feeling down, it can be helpful to look back at the progress you made.
Progress does not always occur in a straight line. I liken my own journey with mental health to hiking. Most hiking trails don't lead straight up a mountain. Instead, the path tends to be more gradual & it may seem to double back on itself at times.
I have been in a psychiatric hospital 5x. I have been on over 30 psychiatric medications, including ketamine. I still don't think I feel "normal." I still get insomnia. I still cope with anhedonia. I still get intrusive memories. Etc. But I have also made progress.
There was a point where I was unemployed, crying on my floor every day. I am now employed full time & actually am able to get up to go to work. I have not worked anywhere longer than 2 years, unlike some people, but this is still progress for me.
There was a point where I was unable to drive even a short distance due to anxiety. I now drive an hour one-way to & from work. The longest drive I've made is probably about 3 hrs, which is not as long as others I know, but it is progress to me.
It may be helpful to write down the ways you have made progress & keep the list somewhere to look at when you are feeling discouraged.
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.” ~Stephen Fry
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
feel like im living life in 3rd person,, my memory is getting worse and worse and i can barely remember anything anymore - past or present. i also keep getting intrusive thoughts and im starting to hate myself more each day.
ive been getting better, thats all i focus on
banbunnies
∧＿∧
（｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*。
⊂ ノ ・゜+.
しーＪ
∧＿∧
（｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*。
⊂ ノ ・゜+.
しーＪ
Saw my psychiatrist. I will be starting a new medication tomorrow which will be drug #34.
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.” ~Stephen Fry
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
Today sucked and I felt very self concious. I have been increasingly anxious the last few months. Taking it one minute at a time <3 I just hope I get better
Btw what you wrote was beautiful CinnamonSugar. Proud of you! Thinking about it, I have made progress too. Last year I was in a way worse place, and the years prior, even worse. Thanks for the reminder <3<3<3<3
Btw what you wrote was beautiful CinnamonSugar. Proud of you! Thinking about it, I have made progress too. Last year I was in a way worse place, and the years prior, even worse. Thanks for the reminder <3<3<3<3
Ximboland stats
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Population:
Prime Ximbo:
Treasury (USD): $0.00
Next Prime Ximbo election: 01.01.1970
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Best State Warriors this month:
nullplayer
- 2592261 points
Legal Alien - lvl 44
mbbybbby
- 555319 points
State Minister - lvl 270
CarCrashBimbo
- 343302 points
Senator - lvl 57
Susan Slutzky
- 275409 points
Senator - lvl 260
Eunyce
- 272687 points
Fashion Manager - lvl 260
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Sexiest this week:
AikiraSora
- 13014 points
Senator - lvl 76
SinksTears
- 8779 points
Senator - lvl 163
Sandi Lut
- 3023 points
State Minister - lvl 289
lillyfee
- 1776 points
Citizen - lvl 182
Susan Slutzky
- 1608 points
Senator - lvl 260
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Most reputable this week:
Yariman
- 429 points
Senator - lvl 18
sachele
- 225 points
Legal Alien - lvl 18
AikiraSora
- 204 points
Senator - lvl 76
SilentlyScreaming
- 179 points
Citizen - lvl 59
Slick_D
- 176 points
Citizen - lvl 114
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Best fighters this week:
Spiffyfunpants
- 47 points
Senator - lvl 301
leopardluvr
- 26 points
Citizen - lvl 40
SilentlyScreaming
- 25 points
Citizen - lvl 59
Eunyce
- 24 points
Fashion Manager - lvl 260
Kyele
- 12 points
Citizen - lvl 196
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Best debaters this week:
califlower
- 12 points
Fashion Designer - lvl 75
SilentlyScreaming
- 10 points
Citizen - lvl 59
LittleMissRachie
- 8 points
Citizen - lvl 35
seaweedgraffiti
- 7 points
Legal Alien - lvl 20
lizz bimbo
- 6 points
Citizen - lvl 20
