"Did I ever talk about my wonderful sponsors on here? No? Then now's the time. You see, I've been taking these hair vitamins and the difference is wild now! My hair has grown this much," she says, spinning around to prove her point. "VitaGhoul really works, I'm tellin' ya." She finishes with a signature cackle that can be heard through walls.
"Do you guys have ANY idea how hard it was to get all the ingredients? Well, actually, I took care of that by sending some lesser demons on errands, so it ain't like I know. HAHAHAHAHAHA."
"Hey, homicides are off the table here. A lot of the recipes I know call for the flesh or blood of my enemies, so uh... Change of plans. I do wish we weren't making desserts, so I'd have Karen's pasta recipe at the ready."
She groans and takes a swill from the flask she usually carries.
"Now, my cooking might not be stellar but LET'S DO THIS!"
The ingredients for the recipe show up on screen. They don't seem that difficult to acquire. This ghoul is either lazy or gets lost in grocery stores. Or is, perhaps, afraid of them.
//
Infernal celebration cake (serves around 6 ghouls, depending on how hungry they are)
Ingredients:
4 drops of void essence
3 cups of sugar (carbonised)
1 1/2 cups of ashes (any variety)
2 cups Netherworld™ flour
1/2 cup of Netherworld™ baking powder
3 handfuls of mutant strawberries
Edible man-eating flowers (for decoration)
4 harpy eggs
3 cups cyclops milk
T̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶l̶e̶s̶h̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶e̶n̶e̶m̶i̶e̶s̶
//
Oops, wrong recipe. She begin to shout, which is just a little louder than her usual tone of speech. "PRODUCERS! I think I gave you guys the wrong one. Here's what I'm actually cooking this time 'round!"
After showing the producers a piece of paper, a different recipe appears on screen.
//
Swampy Frog Egg Pudding
Ingredients:
5 cups Water
1 teaspoons Vanilla Extract (preferably clear; available at baking supply stores)
1/3 cup White Boba Tapioca Pearls (not instant; other colors may be substituted) *
1/3 cup regular White Tapioca Pearls
1/3 cup regular size Green Tapioca Pearls (if unavailable, white may be used and green food coloring added to the pudding) *
1/3 cup Granulated Sugar (or fine-grain granulated sugar)*
//
"How hard could this possibly be? There's no way I'm messin' up a recipe this simple", the ghoul comments, while cracking her knuckles.
While talking, Lindy Mae appeared to have trouble navigating the kitchen. Finally, she found a pan, a wooden spoon and a cup. She begins by adding the water and vanilla extract to the pan, and boiling it.
"Now, not even my demon friends could find green tapioca pearls, so I'll hafta make do with food coloring. And I'm adding some vodka to the mix, so it's less boring. On top o' that, I gotta take care to not get any hair in the dessert. WHAT? IT'D BE SUCH A WASTE IF I HID IT IN ONE OF THOSE UGLY NETS! When your tresses look this good, it's your obligation as a citizen to show 'em off!"
Unsurprisingly, she overuses the food colouring and the concoction turns an intense shade of green. It's also probably gonna taste bitter without the sugar.
"So, I read you gotta stir these so they don't stick together, and wait until they turn soft. Somethin' like that. Wait, they're starting to stick, this can't be good..."
Looks like our contestant got distracted and forgot to stir while talking. Congrats, Lindy.
She frantically stirred the green goop, which now had a glue-like consistency. In desperation, she added a glass of vodka and another glass of water and watched as the pudding-to-be morphed further into an absolute mess.
"Heh, I should add the sugar now... ", she said, with an obviously forced smile. She then realised that some of her hair had found its way into the pudding mixture.
"Umm... NO ONE SAW THAT!"
After a while, she turned off the stove top and poured the pudding into some small porcelain bowls, to be served.
"All these guys need t' do now is CHILL."
Just as she said that, the fire alarm began to ring. Some of her locks had caught fire without her noticing, which resulted in screaming (from Lindy) and the production team rushing in to deal with the flames.
"Ughhhhh, my precious hair!!"
So much for not using a hair net...
Well well well who was the Smartie pants that thought it would be a great idea to put me in the kitchen to try to bake a damn cake?
