It was time for the people to gather at the sacred arena. They all were deadly silent as the moment approached. Then they released the man eating bear pig hybrid. The crowd gasped from sexual tension and rushed to touch its throbbing fully exposed heart. 

"Wait!" exclaimed the woman wearing red, "That heart belongs in the cave!"

Rushing forward she tripped on a green garden gnome. She screamed obscenities like a mad green gnome hater. The beast snorted and jumped towards the arena gates, growling gnomes reached, at the edge of the summit. It said hotly, 

"Give Us GOLD!"

"What? Now?" replied the ancient wizard.

"Yes, now. Duh!"

They ran across floating turtle shells shouting loudly, 

"Virgins, swim turtles Swim!"

Even after the wizard waved a thick, massively engorged staff made of unfulfilled dreams and severed gnome limbs. 

"Are those the limbs of my loyal lawn ornaments?" boomed a voice from Mount Gnome.

A vast cloud of deadly acid came into view, screams came from the Littlewood Orphanage. One brave foundling breathed in deeply, grabbed the crystal and summoned the mighty archangel, Michael. Michael was also known as the Father of all bear pig hybrids! Snorting they sucked with his trusty acid vacuum pointed. Lime-scented rollerblades, he rolled into the literary waste pool. The surface boiled a crimson red, stewed gnome parts saturated the broth.

"By the power of fern fairies I bind thee ferns and flies. Destroy that wizard!"

"The war started eons ago." sighed God as he watched events unfurl.

The destruction was beyond anything the creator could tolerate. He clapped his hands until the carnage stopped and life continued. Many years past. A wonderful young bimbo started to have thoughts about the meaning of life. The kind hearted princess commenced a pilgrimage to the sacred cave of endless possibilities. However a majestic sphinx was not amused. It rose up, glared and leaped, landing on the pile of corpses. The princess smirked a coy grin.

"Answer my riddle and you shall win this toffee."

"What about all the corpses?" said the bimbo. 

"They didn't win the toffee." The Sphinx replied malevolently. 

Within seconds, the Sphinx produced a chart showing a 75 percent mortality rate. The bimbo gasped,

"Princess you liar!"

The sphinx snickered and pointed challengingly at the bimbo.

"Riddle me this! How many bimbos does it take to fix the faulty bimbo website?"

The bimbo thought long and hard. Then she ran out of the cave and into the barren desert to hide and cry. The sphinx was confused and turned to the princess. 

"So... How many bimbos does it take to, fix the faulty Bimbo website?" 

Silence followed. The princess said, 

"F*ck this, I'm too rich for this sh*t. How much is it to find out the meaning of life? Is a billion dollars enough or what?"

"In cash?" The Sphinx asked casually.

"Yeah sure, whatever."

The princess clicked and cash fell from the sky. The sphinx nodded, clearing her throat but then a knight charged in and killed the Sphinx instantly. 

"No! You... You... Wow. You are hot!"

The princess rushed to her emergency contraception kit and prepared herself for a night of unceremonious, protected sex. Not content with just one hero, she pulled the dead sphinx on top of herself and cried out for help. More heroes entered the cave. They had one hell of a night! Afterwards the princess smoked saying, 

"Yo, heroes. There is this wussy bimbo twit out in the desert who totally screwed me over. Go kill her."

The knights left. The princess wanted to get up but she couldn't walk any more.

Meanwhile the bimbo was snivelling pitiably in the desert. She knew that she was a total chicken poop. Not ready to face her fears, with her hairbrush, defeated the big naughty, hairy tarantula. But it wasn’t the first hairball. Two green snakes came to warn them of a fast approaching group of heroic knights out to kill the cowardly bimbo. After all that the bimbo cried,

“Why didn’t I teach myself to be invisible?”

Then the bimbo went to look out for the closest public mirror. Alas none were available to her. Broken and dishevelled she stumbled to the apothecary who, actually turned out to be her estranged math tutor who was also a life guru. He told the scared lil girl that he knew she was sad.

"I am!" said the bimbo brokenly.

“How sad though?”

“This sad!” the bimbo said howling.

The guru shook his head in true pity.

“Bimbo, I have great plans for you.” He said with pure sarcasm. “You are going to regret coming here.”

She stared in disbelief as the guru revealed himself to be a raving lunatic, with a fierce roar.

“Bimbo pick up the axe and run to the oasis. The knights need the axe in their heads.”

When the knights found the bimbo they pulled out their swords and pointed towards her.

“You betrayed us so you shall perish, right now!”

Scared, the bimbo begged for her life. She had three options. One to surrender before becoming shishkebabed. Two she could use her axe to kill some of the knights or Three. Join the knights and capture Isabella the mother of all evil. She thought for a moment and then she… ran. The knights marched after her but running into a cave so big that the walls seemed never ending. Scared and alone she thought to light a fire.

“Why couldn’t I be a braver person, I wish-“

Isabella's wicked voice rang out zealously.

"Off with your evil head.” The goblins of redwood sporadically appeared chanting.

"NO!" screeched Isabella.

She threw her own body at the pillars lower than her. The goblins smirked, mocking the dark Queen.

“That was random.” Said the bimbo.

Reaching into her purse, she produced a glowing lipstick.

“How did you expect to win?” said Isabella.

The bimbo visibly gulped and then she tossed her hair. Raising the lipstick, fired glossy goo, at the evil Isabella. Mortally marked she fell down, but did not cry this time.

“How did you know my weakness?” Isabella screeched before fainting from shock. Then she died.

(That escalated quickly…)

(Like super quick!)

“I’m not dumb for I am a Bimbo!” she said proudly to Isabella’s withered corpse.

The goblins stared, opened mouthed, they were in shock.

“Well, well, well.” The princess (!!!) said, “If it isn’t what I think then explain yourself.”

Then the bimbo raised her eyebrow and looked right at the exit.

“Don’t you dare, you little coward!” she said in a spiteful voice.

“But it’s all over!” The bimbo made a wild gesture at Isabella.

In a matter of seconds the corpse stirred and jumped to life!

“Mummy!” exclaimed the princess vengefully delighted.

Mother and daughter, horrified black goat, sacrificed said goat and turned to the Siamese cat and said

“LEAVE!”

The cat left.

"Now." said Isabella “What shall we do?”

“Kill her obviously!” interjected the goblins.

The bimbo blinked. Then she ran.

"Son of a-"

"After her!!!!!!!" Isabella screamed mercilessly. Rapidly the goblins, princess and Queen Isabella, all ran after her. The bimbo hid behind a large camel and cried to herself.

"This is all too much. I wish-" Suddenly a fairy godmother appeared!

"No fudging waaaaayyyy!" The bimbo said.

"You were wishing?" Asked the fairy.

The bimbo nodded.

"I want to be brave!" she said hopefully.

The Fairy cast a spell and suddenly she was COURAGEOUS! The bimbo left but in a split second she was entirely surrounded by the goblins. In a village they heard screams. Isabella was torturing the bimbo horribly. The bimbo decided that she needed to face her. A baby was less loud than own fears. She punched Isabella, but Isabella killed her.It was tragic. And the moral of the story is: don't be a wuss ever.