F33LING GUD TODAI!!! X3
Mental Health check-in
I am feeling good today
Full stop I've posted way too much on this thread already but I literally have no friends/trusted people who I could talk about this with without feeling like a burden on those I care about (i.e. my partner or my mom because I literally have no one outside of them) So I guess I'm just saying to hell with it and throwing out all my mental health problems to the open public internet void (which is very cringe of me) but you know maybe it'll help someone or someone will see it and not feel like their the only one ready to unalive. That being said I should probably say Trigger Warning: suicide mentions and self-harm mentions (Nothing too bad but like I don't want anyone to get tipped off the deep end ya know?)
So I'm gonna start out by explaining this. I have severe depression and anxiety and psychosis. No I don't hallucinate or anything like that but their are voices. I don't like hear them or anything. But I certainly can't control them and have to argue with them. Most of the time though it's other symptoms like thinking all the buildings and trees have been replaced by exact replicas but with hidden spy cameras to watch me. Awful, crazy, insane, etc.. I get it. :)
Anyways so the last three weeks or so have been weeks gifted to me from Satan himself. Depression got worse, got sick, twisted my ankle, fell out of my loft bed in my dorm, twisted my other ankle, car breaks down two hours away from home, you know bad thing after bad thing. And meanwhile my brain is just sprialing. The voices are getting worse and the conversation turns from normal depression stuff to maybe you should just off yourself :) and of course the only living things that I can talk to that I don't feel like a burden on are the voices but they aren't really playing fair :) so I try and call my partner but of course their phone is dead so I basically text them a suicide note but I loose my nerve from the lack of motivation and fall asleep. What's one more day anyways? So I get through the day after going through the awkward conversation of explaining that I'm not dead yet to my SO and wash rinse repeat. Three days in and every night I get just a liiiiiiittle bit closer to downing all my pills. Whether it's looking up (insert drug name) overdose or bringing all my meds into bed with me. So in some weird final desperate attempt this morning I message my psychiatrist and ask what it's like to be hospitalized bc I kinda wanna die. And in return he has the stupid center call me and they're like "Come in" and i'm like "No" because while I want to know my options I know that going their is a fast track way of being sent to the hospital against my will (I've tried them before) so like I don't go and they get worried and call the fucking campus police to do a "wellness check" which ends up concerning some of my peers from my major who then text me to make sure I didn't get busted for weed or anything.And now I have to go see my psychiatrist tomorrow anyways :) And is there a moral to this story? Hard to say. I still feel like shit. I still want to die. I still have no friends. I'm still super depressed. But I guess I'm also still alive like it or not. I kinda want to hurt myself but I don't have anything to do that with except the brick wall and I could just hit my head until I pass out but juries out on that decision rn because I overthink everything. Even hurting myself.
And like I understand this will probably get buried (Or deleted) and never mentioned ever but it's SO cathartic to lay this all out on the table even if no ones listening because I can't say it irl without having police stand in my dorm as I mentally pray they don't look around.
So I'm gonna start out by explaining this. I have severe depression and anxiety and psychosis. No I don't hallucinate or anything like that but their are voices. I don't like hear them or anything. But I certainly can't control them and have to argue with them. Most of the time though it's other symptoms like thinking all the buildings and trees have been replaced by exact replicas but with hidden spy cameras to watch me. Awful, crazy, insane, etc.. I get it. :)
Anyways so the last three weeks or so have been weeks gifted to me from Satan himself. Depression got worse, got sick, twisted my ankle, fell out of my loft bed in my dorm, twisted my other ankle, car breaks down two hours away from home, you know bad thing after bad thing. And meanwhile my brain is just sprialing. The voices are getting worse and the conversation turns from normal depression stuff to maybe you should just off yourself :) and of course the only living things that I can talk to that I don't feel like a burden on are the voices but they aren't really playing fair :) so I try and call my partner but of course their phone is dead so I basically text them a suicide note but I loose my nerve from the lack of motivation and fall asleep. What's one more day anyways? So I get through the day after going through the awkward conversation of explaining that I'm not dead yet to my SO and wash rinse repeat. Three days in and every night I get just a liiiiiiittle bit closer to downing all my pills. Whether it's looking up (insert drug name) overdose or bringing all my meds into bed with me. So in some weird final desperate attempt this morning I message my psychiatrist and ask what it's like to be hospitalized bc I kinda wanna die. And in return he has the stupid center call me and they're like "Come in" and i'm like "No" because while I want to know my options I know that going their is a fast track way of being sent to the hospital against my will (I've tried them before) so like I don't go and they get worried and call the fucking campus police to do a "wellness check" which ends up concerning some of my peers from my major who then text me to make sure I didn't get busted for weed or anything.And now I have to go see my psychiatrist tomorrow anyways :) And is there a moral to this story? Hard to say. I still feel like shit. I still want to die. I still have no friends. I'm still super depressed. But I guess I'm also still alive like it or not. I kinda want to hurt myself but I don't have anything to do that with except the brick wall and I could just hit my head until I pass out but juries out on that decision rn because I overthink everything. Even hurting myself.
And like I understand this will probably get buried (Or deleted) and never mentioned ever but it's SO cathartic to lay this all out on the table even if no ones listening because I can't say it irl without having police stand in my dorm as I mentally pray they don't look around.
Hell yeah
Feeling alright
I'm feeling Blah. Low energy, sipping some coffee while exploring Bimboland. Low motivation. I didn't leave my apartment yesterday. Why bother? I'm not really able to go anywhere anyway, since my city is still pretty shut down from a combination of COVID and rioting/looting. The external world situations definitely aren't helping my internal world of depression & anxiety.
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.” ~Stephen Fry
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
i feel like
your reluctant optimist
peeslurper69 wrote:
Yes. I often think of my depression & anxiety as falling into a deep hole or down the rabbit hole or some variation thereof.
i feel like
Yes. I often think of my depression & anxiety as falling into a deep hole or down the rabbit hole or some variation thereof.
“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.” ~Stephen Fry
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
Living with depression? Connect with others at the Mental Health Check-in.
Feeling hopeful... I just want quarantine to end! :-(
she/her, #blm.
CinnamonSugar wrote:
peeslurper69 wrote:Just wanted to say: I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion. You guys are important and the bimbos are here for support if needed! <3i feel like
Yes. I often think of my depression & anxiety as falling into a deep hole or down the rabbit hole or some variation thereof.
she/her, #blm.
i've been feeling eh recently, but that's to be expected bc of yknow, the state of the world. But i really need to get my shit together because ive been talking to the girl of my dreams and i dont want her to think im not interested. (this is a very good thread btw, loving the honesty and jokes from everyone)
Stay Thirsty, and Have a Blast -Betty Baja
Ximboland stats
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Next Prime Ximbo election: 01.01.1970
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Best State Warriors this month:
nullplayer
- 2592261 points
Legal Alien - lvl 44
mbbybbby
- 555319 points
State Minister - lvl 270
CarCrashBimbo
- 343302 points
Senator - lvl 57
Susan Slutzky
- 275409 points
Senator - lvl 260
Eunyce
- 272687 points
Fashion Manager - lvl 260
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Sexiest this week:
SinksTears
- 8779 points
Senator - lvl 163
AikiraSora
- 8754 points
Senator - lvl 76
Sandi Lut
- 2287 points
State Minister - lvl 289
kenpoo
- 1398 points
Citizen - lvl 30
lillyfee
- 1193 points
Citizen - lvl 182
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Most reputable this week:
Yariman
- 419 points
Senator - lvl 18
sachele
- 202 points
Legal Alien - lvl 18
AikiraSora
- 194 points
Senator - lvl 76
SilentlyScreaming
- 172 points
Citizen - lvl 59
califlower
- 171 points
Fashion Designer - lvl 75
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Best fighters this week:
leopardluvr
- 26 points
Citizen - lvl 40
SilentlyScreaming
- 25 points
Citizen - lvl 59
Eunyce
- 24 points
Fashion Manager - lvl 260
Mollie Mollie
- 10 points
Citizen - lvl 139
AikiraSora
- 8 points
Senator - lvl 76
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Best debaters this week:
SilentlyScreaming
- 8 points
Citizen - lvl 59
califlower
- 7 points
Fashion Designer - lvl 75
Valore
- 6 points
Citizen - lvl 44
Mary1210
- 6 points
Citizen - lvl 26
LucretiaMyReflection
- 6 points
Citizen - lvl 16
