I ended up having a good excuse to not visit Shawna at her home. Yes, it bothered me to much. God heard my prayers and gave me 4 reasons to not help a friend today. I was given a choice by FATE:
Help 4 children or 1 adult woman. What would you chose?
I chose to help the children today. I cannot be everywhere at once, and thought I would have more effect doing what I'm trained for, not being a social service counselor to a woman who I'm emotionally connected too. There is a pure conflict of interest, on my part, and I really shouldn't be the one to interfere with her life. This one time excuse will not work tomorrow, but it did buy me some time to try to figure out a better solution. Best of all, I told her the truth and she understood my need to help the children first. She was not angry at me.
I still don't know what to do about tomorrow. This is how bad I don't want to step foot inside her home. I care about her, but hate her environment so much that it is like volunteering to live inside a sewage waste treatment pond... I'm not even exaggerating, it is that bad. Let me tell you something :
She was doing well while her children were young. She did OK keeping her home and children clean, till they became teen boys, and took after their father.
Garbage is tossed wherever it lands. Screaming and cursing is everyday conversation. There isn't a single wall or door in the home that doesn't have a hole in the walls from fists being thrown in angry drunkenness. I thrive on peace and love, and honestly I learned long ago to never enter her home because of what it does to me on an emotional level. It's like entering a cave to hell for me.
It I was in charge I would condemn her home as a bio-hazard. Send her male children to military school. Send her daughters to a convent. Her husband to a graveyard. And poor Shawna, She really needs some time in a group-home setting. She is not crazy, She just has been so abused for so long, that I've actually seen her mental condition deteriorate drastically. She is nothing like the girl and woman I've known all my life, anymore.
This new chapter in my life is making me cry tears I have never felt before. It is so unfair of God to make me watch such suffering, when it all could have ended about 23 years ago when I begged her to not marry her first husband. I knew what he was doing. He took advantage of a woman with the emotional capabilities of a 12 year old. Now she is 41, and still emotionally a 12 year old, but with 5 children, who are all of normal IQ, and socially normal, but with some very wicked tempers, and problems with being lawful. Unfortunately with the age of 18 being the age of adulthood, not even her own mother could talk her out of it. The man ended up marring a woman who thinks sex equals love. She complains about it, but accepts it because after her husband sobers up he says that he was sorry. So now he is in jail and she put him there, finally; then suddenly she realizes that she is alone and reached out to me.
I'm not sure that I'm a good fit to try and help effect a change in this situation. I'm going to have to play out this drama day by day I guess.
No planning possible.
The four children that I chose to help today really wasn't anything serious. Jackie asked me to watch her children for her, 'sort of' ; They have a bad habit of knocking on my door asking me to play. After texting Jackie, for permission, I gave them the run of my home, because they have earned the privilege by respecting my property and rules.
Her children are boys with manners. Her daughter means so much too me, after experiencing such pain to save her life. Who do you really think I would want to hold if given the chance?
Yes, I chose the babies.
I didn't feel like holding back tears today.
I smiled talking to a baby who couldn't understand anything except the fact that she was safe and comfortable and warm and fed. Her brothers had such a fun time in the gardens, and playroom. All I had to do was hold a baby, and watch the fun. For me it was a perfect day.
Help 4 children or 1 adult woman. What would you chose?
I chose to help the children today. I cannot be everywhere at once, and thought I would have more effect doing what I'm trained for, not being a social service counselor to a woman who I'm emotionally connected too. There is a pure conflict of interest, on my part, and I really shouldn't be the one to interfere with her life. This one time excuse will not work tomorrow, but it did buy me some time to try to figure out a better solution. Best of all, I told her the truth and she understood my need to help the children first. She was not angry at me.
I still don't know what to do about tomorrow. This is how bad I don't want to step foot inside her home. I care about her, but hate her environment so much that it is like volunteering to live inside a sewage waste treatment pond... I'm not even exaggerating, it is that bad. Let me tell you something :
She was doing well while her children were young. She did OK keeping her home and children clean, till they became teen boys, and took after their father.
Garbage is tossed wherever it lands. Screaming and cursing is everyday conversation. There isn't a single wall or door in the home that doesn't have a hole in the walls from fists being thrown in angry drunkenness. I thrive on peace and love, and honestly I learned long ago to never enter her home because of what it does to me on an emotional level. It's like entering a cave to hell for me.
It I was in charge I would condemn her home as a bio-hazard. Send her male children to military school. Send her daughters to a convent. Her husband to a graveyard. And poor Shawna, She really needs some time in a group-home setting. She is not crazy, She just has been so abused for so long, that I've actually seen her mental condition deteriorate drastically. She is nothing like the girl and woman I've known all my life, anymore.
This new chapter in my life is making me cry tears I have never felt before. It is so unfair of God to make me watch such suffering, when it all could have ended about 23 years ago when I begged her to not marry her first husband. I knew what he was doing. He took advantage of a woman with the emotional capabilities of a 12 year old. Now she is 41, and still emotionally a 12 year old, but with 5 children, who are all of normal IQ, and socially normal, but with some very wicked tempers, and problems with being lawful. Unfortunately with the age of 18 being the age of adulthood, not even her own mother could talk her out of it. The man ended up marring a woman who thinks sex equals love. She complains about it, but accepts it because after her husband sobers up he says that he was sorry. So now he is in jail and she put him there, finally; then suddenly she realizes that she is alone and reached out to me.
I'm not sure that I'm a good fit to try and help effect a change in this situation. I'm going to have to play out this drama day by day I guess.
No planning possible.
The four children that I chose to help today really wasn't anything serious. Jackie asked me to watch her children for her, 'sort of' ; They have a bad habit of knocking on my door asking me to play. After texting Jackie, for permission, I gave them the run of my home, because they have earned the privilege by respecting my property and rules.
Her children are boys with manners. Her daughter means so much too me, after experiencing such pain to save her life. Who do you really think I would want to hold if given the chance?
Yes, I chose the babies.
I didn't feel like holding back tears today.
I smiled talking to a baby who couldn't understand anything except the fact that she was safe and comfortable and warm and fed. Her brothers had such a fun time in the gardens, and playroom. All I had to do was hold a baby, and watch the fun. For me it was a perfect day.
