I was thinking about your situation Bambi, because I've noticed in my life the often when I needed to change my life path, I would also be presented with the two different situations at the same time.  Like your date with a new man, and your ex calling and talking for hours, just before it.

Your right about fate, but it is also your life.  Remember the reason you broke up with him after so long (5 years) ?  You cannot change a man.  If you have a sad and depressed man now, what will he be like in say 25 years from now.  Your young and this new date, has things to teach you about LIFE.  Wouldn't it feel better if your heart was wildly racing in bed because you had an exciting evening with a man who made you laugh and was entertaining.  Or  laying in bed with your heart racing because you cannot MAKE a man feel happy about his own life.  He is sad not because of anything you have done to him.  He is sad at himself, and only he can fix that.
  A person must love themselves before they can truly love someone else.

I'm really sort of excited today. 
My son took me shopping and I spent MUCH more money than I should have.
  End of season sale and all.

  A bought a travel-all trailer.  Been wanting one for a while now, but leave it to my prefect little child to sell the deal.  The sales person was unimportant as they mostly work with financing, but I had cash.    (Goodbye annoying person)

  My own child at 21 knows more about anything mechanical and structural than most.  He shoved the salesman aside very quickly, and later even the mechanical staff teaching how to operate all the features of a flat on wheels, and bigger than most studio's in London.....
Yet, FREE and mobile...
 I need to stock a third home now...
 Yikes !

  My son had Christmas Eyes, even though he knows he will have to beg me to use it.  A positive to my heart.  I accept bribery from a family member as it should be, with NO SHAME.  My sons know my weaknesses, like I know theirs.

Tell me that doesn't make a mother so proud..........   
       He is so excited to, because he knows he is going to now be able to take in on holiday too.

  Be nice to momma.  Muhahahhhhaaa :P
  We never stop manipulating our sons.  Sons do quite a good job manipulating Moms too.
       The toys just cost more :/
                when they earn it.

Kindell has been wickedly nice to me lately.  Probable, because His wife works and gone, when he first wakes in the morning and I'm also now spending more time with him in the mornings since he bought a ranch-house about 2 miles away from me.
  A Son, and a man who is devastatingly smart and handsome to hang out with that I'm safe with.  He doesn't mind my fashions even and doesn't make a big deal if I draw unwanted attention.  He is Better than a boyfriend to be honest. 
     
                                         A win/win.
   Yes.
 A very nice day :)

I had a very unusual day.     
   Jackie, felt the need to introduce me to her aunt today.  This might seem very common to most, but for me it can become quite the event. 

  Let me start from the beginning.  Jackie knows who I am, and has been very kind to keep me a secret friend, yet she couldn't help but talk about me to her aunt. This is a rule of mine: I DON'T want to meet NEW PEOPLE.  She insisted upon meeting me, because of the reputation Jackie gave to her about me;
  and I said fine,  and set up a little tea party.
 I gave them a very tame show on the poll, but mostly both just wanted to touch my clothes after I landed during an unrehearsed routine.  I like dancing for women so much more, because they can see the effort that goes into picking clothes to wear, instead of what clothes to remove as quickly as possible to please men....

  Jackie turned me on today giving her aunty' a show.  I was surprised she asked me to do that,  but  Jackie also played up my reputation to her aunt,  and I couldn't let her down.  I took my clothes off for a complete stranger today, and made no money, nor thrill.  I just entertained someone important to a best friend.  The compliments afterwards was very uncomfortable, because some people just see that dance as erotic.   I was dancing for Jackie today,  and I was trying to be graceful, not sexy.    Her Aunt saw one thing.............
     Any guesses what Jackie was whispering afterwards?
         She wants to play with my clothes,body and hair,  and she could wear them well enough for me to say yes. PLEASE !!!!!!   I LOVE being her friend, and honestly I'm really sort of falling in love with her....    Her aunt shared some secrets too.......... 
             I'm not the only one lusting.    
   According to Aunty, Jackie has been crazy for me for about 6 years.     Our first impressions at a private party together  meant more to her than me, at the time.   She was just a girl at the party to protect.   I mattered to her and she has been so very nice to me ever since.  I can't even seem to write all the details of a day with her and her children and family. 
Personally I give myself 7 stars of 10 for entertaining a real life family today.   The Boys only got video games.  The women got the whole package of little ole' me.   
   Such day's make me SOOOOOOO  Excited to see her again.

A real life, and a Prime Bimbo Life.........  are they equal-----------  [giggles].

Real life, was totally amusing today.
Game Life was very satisfying.

  I went up against the King, and I still have my pretty head.  That's progress,
                   Right?

  Best to talk about my really CUTE real-life day.  nice weather always makes me dress the mood.  I'm not even exaggerating,  I stopped traffic, and all eyes were on me today.  It's even more funny because it all went down because I was playing with my 21 year old son, and trucks and trailers.  Mommy became a traffic CONE.   Such stage parts could never be imagined by Shakespeare.

  I about had to giggle when a peer of his, thought I was his wife. {no no NO no NO !!!!!}  He is adorably MINE, but his turn on my breasts is over.   I wasn't drunk but I wish I was at the moment.  Just when you think it couldn't get worse, The only sober driver had to drive nearly naked and manage the money and beverages for a truck bed, full of hard working MEN. Drive around in circle just to see a woman in a hideous florescent green vest, and you could see nothing else of my fashion under neigh the layers of safety protection.  Talk about a CLOWN-CAR.  I laughed my ass off at that show.
   For once I wasn't worried about my panties being wedged in my ass-crack.  I was worried about were the next compliment on my outfit was coming from.
        
     I locked up an entire truck stop today just wearing a school-girl skirt and a black lace Midi and a hand made knit top in black crotchet. 
 The place shut down due to a few moments of chaos,  but men are gentlemen at heart in truck stops, and became orderly once they realized they were beginning to frighten me.  I talk a lot of shit about men sometimes, but really there is a few good men that always amaze me.  One good man can change the mood of many.  I saw that today.  One man said something disrespectful and he was quickly laughed at by his peers.  I picked my clothes for myself today......   Nobody else,  so they can piss-off in the first place.
   When you see that in a gang  it can be overwhelming.
       I love that, so many people admired my outfit today.
   It was simple.    I bought it, and put it on one foot at a time.

     My dance card was flooded today,  and I got to play a bimbo.  My really special moment came from a woman actually.  She was just the cashier at the truck-stop but saw EVERYTHING. How I wrangled the men into order and made them wait in line.  None even seemed to complain about my lack of excessive cleavage.  All Eyes were south of the boarder, anyways.  Ears alert for my slightest whisper.
     A Perfect World.  My son escorted me so well today.  His father would be proud.

   (he was even pissed off at what I wore)  Long story..... Short....
  He does not approve of my clothes. 
       I say, " That's why your not a bim-boy-BRAT. "

  He slaps my ass , and I don't mind it because he is the best male I ever gave birth too.  My older son has good qualities too.  Lets just say his mother in public in lace  doesn't exactly settle well with his wife.  It is a pure body issue.  She is exactly as vain as I am but being so religious doesn't see clothes as something fun to wear.  My sons have almost the exact opposite types of wives.    I'm the crazy mother that puts them both to shame.

   I'm working on my flaws.  Today was just to fun for me to regret.

I spent all of 10 minutes with Jackie today.  She really thrills me.  She noticed I was wearing something from a catalog we were looking at last week.    It felt good that she remembered it, and appreciated it when I wore it for her. 

  It is so silly that I enjoy dressing up for a friend.  I don't need to be sexy around her, but she notices my little efforts to always smile.  Clothes do that for me. 
I envy Jackie, and wish I could be her.    She is proof to me that money can never buy loyalty and love.  I value looking at her as she talks to her sons.  It is a truly beautiful sight.  I'm always so impressed with how a woman can achieve such beauty, and she was just being her natural, and BEAUTIFUL self. It's no wonder to me why I'm so attracted to her despite a very difficult first impression when we met for the first time.

  I sort of want to write about that day, because Jackie had a different point of view about the story.  Her aunt sort of cleared things up, but made my heart melt.    Jackie is in love with me, but it is more of a fan-dom sort of thing.  She is married and could say nothing else to a family member.  I was blessed to hear the lie Jackie told her aunt about me.  It was so funny and better than the real day, but she seemed to even admire me with the truth when it suited her. 
   I just took my ques from her in dealing with her aunt.  Improvisation was the rule of the day.  It was so easy too.  I just reverted to princess mode, and went to play with the children with an excuse of needless worry.
   I found it bothersome to myself that whenever I just don't want to speak to adults,  I chose to teach/play with children.  The kids kicked my ass today, and I'm a bit sore after trying to keep up with family life.   
     This is how I appreciate, LIFE.  Mine,Jackie's, and all the other 8 billion people in the world with families.

Was I wrong for not telling her aunt about that day, Jackie and I first met?   
   I think personally that is best left between US.

  It was our moment in time to share life in a very dangerous situation.  Best left unsaid in many regards.

Excuse my terrible grammar..  

My sister is getting married in Dec to her douche of a bf. You may wonder what makes him a douche ... He has commented on my boob size, practically pervs on anything with two legs and is a complete moron. They say love is blind, it sure bloody is!. 
She said she's marrying him, so they can consummate as he's sexually frustrated and jerks it off to porn. She reckons once they 'Do it' he wont .. Little does she know that having sex wont fix his little porn addiction. 
UGH please kill me

I went over the edge today with Jackie.  I told her how I feel about her.  
    Not sure this is a good thing though......... She took it all to well, with complements.    So why do I seem to still walk on egg shells now?   
    Oh that's right, it is the bones of her boyfriend I'm stepping on.
   The fool should be loving her, not just SEXING her up.
She could really be having some serious feminine fun, instead of a man who makes her cry.
To each their own.....
  I'm in no rush to show her LOVE.  Watching her stumble for a jail-bird is actually amusing,   
  What a woman will do for a sperm donor who makes unrealistic promises to a woman, is ever so funny to see, and hear the gossip.    i don't mind one bit.
   She is  28 years old, and it was time for her to enjoy her.......   No Husbands. just a few sperm donors to her children.   It was actually very funny to me, to listen to her cry about things she should have learned when she was pregnant with her first child.  No, she didn't learn a single thing.....
     What is the hold men have over women when even they fuck them over and emotionally abandon them and the offspring?
Child support cant be very cheep, yet totally avoidable with a mans head buried in the sand.
   Why do women have sex with un-married men?
    That was a rhetorical question.
Because the risk of pregnancy outweighs any common sense when it comes to a pretty face, and a charming line of bull-shit. 
My sister is getting married in Dec to her douche of a bf. You may wonder what makes him a douche ... He has commented on my boob size, practically pervs on anything with two legs and is a complete moron. They say love is blind, it sure bloody is!. 
She said she's marrying him, so they can consummate as he's sexually frustrated and jerks it off to porn. She reckons once they 'Do it' he wont .. Little does she know that having sex wont fix his little porn addiction. 

No woman can fix a porn addiction.  Even a former dancer could never make a man be honorable in a marriage, if the male seeks perfection in photos. 
  No woman can be air-brushed enough in photo-shop, to be the perfect SLUT to satisfy a wandering mans EYE with thousands of websites to satisfy him.   I hope your sister's mate, stays childless.   No need to reproduce any more of him. There is plenty in the world already.  Why settle with a little bit of a sexual organ.   If he can't even appreciate the woman who finds him attractive in the real world.  I made a lot of money from men who just wanted to be close to my naked body, knowing they could never touch it.
  A penis in a swamp of porn will not honor a wife, no matter how he might justify his visual addiction to all women except his mate. Will he just make a promise to her to avoid looking at other naked women, in the future?     Not believable in any real world situation.


That is a man best left on the shelf, with blow-up dolls, and sex toys.  A woman who thinks she can change him with sex, is as foolish as possible.
   What does she really expect?
  A man who values her?
      She found a man who can please himself, without her.   Not much of a treasure in my way of thinking but leave it to the youthful breeders to find a way to see sexy in total losers.  Everyone makes mistakes, myself included.  I passed on my DNA to my sons, and they will certainly kick some ass in the future.  I had a husband, I respected, and had children with him.
 Porn was never even an issue even though he knew I was a dancer for money when we were in school together.    He didn't seek that side of me.  
                        He captured my heart instead.  He also had every reason in the world to hate me for my behavior at work.
 He had me to play with.   I loved him so much for the fact he saw me as his soul-mate. and not just the sum of my bitty-parts..
   He didn't need porn, when he had the best already, at HOME. Naked and willing, willful to please him.

Rest in peace my Love.  C U soon enough.
 Mortal men, could never please me anymore after such a glorious husband......
   Just sayin'

Jackie complicated things, today.   Or, did she?
It is so wild living around such free spirits like her.

The shit hit the fan though, somehow with her boyfriend.   I saw some unusual behavior from him today.   It is really awful to be placed in the middle of a domestic squabble and I'm not sure why.  Even Jackie is being silent on why she left him 10 days ago.  I really wasn't paying much attention, till her boyfriend came over with a sob story, asking to borrow my phone.
OK,  so he thinks her phone is turned off. Surprise, she waits a moment finding her phone, and calls back on my phone after her boyfriend got frustrated and left nearly instantly after 5 rings.......
   Bad timing?  Or good timing?       
   She called me back quickly, and to ask me to spy on him, after I told her the reason for my "Phones" call............  
   I laughed and said that it seems he is having a party, and I was too tired to fuss with the noise.
How lame.....   But I don't want to play with her boyfriend and his social circle, just for her.    I invited her to go shopping instead in the morning.  No fuss, and a totally public activity to do together.
  I don't think that my hidden affection for Jackie is the cause of this sudden problem in her relationship.  Her aunts gossip made the most sense to me about her boyfriend.  She told me her fears about him, and unfortunately we both saw the same flaw in the man.   Neither of us want to ruin the relationship between a mother and father and baby.So we stand by and let fate take it's course.
It's painful to see someone suffer to learn what it is to live.

I think a lot about Jackie, because we spent some intimate moments during some stressful times.  We bonded in distress, and I think why I'm totally 'crushing' for her right now.   It doesn't help much to know why you love someone, when you must watch her cry for the father of her baby.
  Oh God,  I just texted her with an actual activity to do as friends.......   I hope she comes to my tea party.  It would make me so happy to see her share some quality time with some of the ladies from the neighborhood.  I just had too, even though I invited her one hour early, just in case she wishes to change into something from my closet.    I want her to feel comfortable in every way, if she accepts this invitation.   She loves my wardrobe, and it seems a small price to me to share it with her.   She is a natural I desire tea with.   If she can wear it, it's her's to impress the bitches.

   Who doesn't like a wild card in the game of Poker, when the chips are basted with a light coating of sweetness.
   Jackie makes my mouth water at the prospect of just standing 1 foot away from her and still smelling her hair..    What a DOLL !!!
        She didn't get rich, when we worked together, but I was enriched by Her, a daughter of God. (in the right place at the right moment)
  My turn to protect her, if she wants.......   Money and sex is no longer an objective in the adult world of narcissism as you become pre-menopausal.
     I only want to give her a choice, as to how she wants to live, and a chance to be a princess too.
   I don't think that is to selfish of a goal for me,  but I could be wrong.............    Opinions?
  I would sleep with her naked again, but it's only because I trust her completely.  
     An awkward love story, to be sure but there is always more to life than learning how to breath and walk.   That is to easy for the rest of the world to do. without much success ether.  I pity the divorce rates  because they tell the true story of just how worthless men and women's relationships have come to be understood in the context of sex for only pleasure.......    

The last 24 hours of my life has been a nightmare of a LOVE TRIANGLE.
  TV dramas have more mundane plot lines than what happened last night, and I was just at home cooking pizza when this all started.  I went to get my pizza out of the oven, and heard what I thought was a baby crying outside my kitchen window.
   I couldn't see anything from the window, and was a little spooked, because the crying persisted.
  With my 9mm weapon in hand I went to investigate what was on the porch of my back door.  I saw Jackie first, and I lowered my weapon towards the ground, but still had to hold it in my hands as I walked up to her.  Upon seeing me standing there, she actually relaxed enough to tell me that everything was OK.
  BULL SHIT LIE.
  She just didn't want me to get upset too.
  She ran to my home to escape her boyfriend, and knowing he wouldn't dare make a fuss around me, she just wanted to calm down near my home.    I just sat down next to her, and made her feel safe, and asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened.   She didn't want to talk about what happened at that time, and I still don't know why,  but I will find out in about 16 hours from now.  The reason I can say that with certainty is that Jeremy, her boyfriend had the most odd request of me today. (More about that later.) 
So I guess he noticed that I turned on all my yard lights in the back yard, at an unusual hour with no event planned, and figured that his girlfriend was at my house.  It's a small town and lights on at 11:30 PM is not very normal for me.  He is Not a very stupid man, in some regards.
   I'm still sitting on the steps with my weapon sort of hidden in my lap so he couldn't see it he begins to scream a Jackie to just go and have sex with me.  
Wait one DAMN second here.   I was cooking Pizza Alone !!!!!!
  I only heard someone crying outside my kitchen window.  I have every duty and right to investigate.
  Jackie had calmed down while we were alone, before he showed up.  It was a quite conversation we had.   I just sat near her, and kept my opinions to myself, and opened my ears instead.   She didn't want to talk about what happened, and that was fine with me.  She was gaining her composure, and felt safe.   She went home with her boyfriend for the night.   
  I was afraid though.   He knows our history, and he seems to think that she she comes to me because she loves me.   This could be true, but to be honest, the subject has never been talked about between Jackie and I.   His rant towards her in front of me was about her having SEX.
  WHAT?????
   From the little bit I listened too, he was unhappy that she wouldn't 'put-out' that evening.  Over simplified of course, but when he saw her on my steps, a male instinct kicked in and he became a total asshole.  Rage, and it didn't matter that he has known for the whole relationship, that Jackie and I are just friends.  I ordered him off my property, and I did let him catch a glimpse of what I had hidden in the folds of my skirt. Jackie followed him home, totally against any common sense.  By morning he sobered up.   (more to this story)

  So, I'm bored this morning    Nothing more than a car crash on the highway, made me jump into action with some traffic control with my car, and besides that I was chopping wood for the winter. ( It is a very good exercise if you have the skills to not chop off your toes.  I actually enjoy splitting my OWN wood. )  Jeremy walks up while I have an ax in my hand Chopping a BLOCK/ (bloke)  and asked me for a favor.   His request both thrilled me, and upset me at the same time.

  How insulting !!!!  He asked me to babysit his girlfriend while he has to work on Saturday, in a distant town.   What the HELL?  He went on to talk about all her flaws to me and why he wanted me to care for her, while he was gone.
    Was he just KISSING my ASS?
         Jackie called later  but I wasn't available to take her call.     I told Jeremy not to worry because Jackie is a project I adore.  
What makes this story complicated for me, is Jackie.   She is suffering from postpartum depression.   She sees me, and remembers the time when we both were dancers, except  I'm holding her baby in my arms and she sees herself /  She has told me that it is bothering her in a complimentary way.  I can't do anything about my appearance, but to fawn all over her, as a beautiful woman too.  I love her .   She lost her figure, and seeing me is actually a reminder of it for her.   This can be very traumatic to a woman.  When Jeremy went mad about her not wanting to have sex with him that night, it seems to have pushed her over the edge for a moment.    I'm not privy to all the details, but  Jeremy actually wants me to be with her now.  He seems to think I can fix his girlfriend, by spending time with her, NOW.
   How ODD....
  This is just the beginning of what I am now in possession.  I have 4 children in my care tonight.     Those adult lovers need to fight it out, I guess.......    
   I'm good with taking the children into my home for the night.    How peaceful............     3 small boys and a baby girl.    I would do the chore for a friend as a gift to me.

 It gets even more dramatic.  One of the children I don't even know, who's child it is.   I'm glad that I have plenty of spare rooms for angels.  
 It was fun to make up a room for an honored guest.   I didn't think for one second that I would be opening my house to children tonight,  but if that is what Jackie needs, so BE IT.  I like seeing my house in use.  ( side note:    Kids are very safe in my care and a fight between parents can proceed at their will.)
  Ugggg-Ha LEE.
 My joy is being a parent for a day.      I love this JOB.
                   I HATE the drama adults create.

Everyone eventually becomes an adult, but few become real parents.
  A pity. :(*
  All of this drama, is about a man who doesn't understand a woman after-giving birth.......     I've seen many of them, slipping dollar bills in my panties.   
  
This is a very fine line I'm walking right now, and trying to do the right thing, when all I really want to do is KICK a mans ASS into being the father his sperm, made him into.
  It's so harsh to say, but he is the one that caused her to lose her perfect body.  If he cannot love her still, he is a total ass in my BOOK of LIFE.
   Don't break my friends hearts.      I just may have to = _____________   Love her more.




.

OMG......
 an addendum....... to previous post:

 With the kids in my rooms
 both eventually came by.
,
 1X2X1 Unknown except his name.    
Both parents put on a really good show, at 2:30 in the morning.   Jackie found my nail kit with me attached, and Jeremy found the studio.    We listened from the hearth.  ( i don't know it's formal name.  Lounge, maybe? )  
  I love holding her hands when I paint her natural nails.    They are totally worthy of envy.

    I didn't want to ask what all the fuss was about last night.   For some reason with her. I tend to just live in the moment.  It's sort of romantic to me.

   We should have never met in the first place about 7 years ago.
   By chance she gets pregnant by my next door neighbor. ?  One year ago    HUH?
   Now I'm in love with her, and her children.

 and her boyfriend , sometimes.........

       Oh I'm making a really messy bed with this and I really cannot help it
       Our first moment together was bonded in fear and danger  7 years ago.  We survived went different paths and met again purely by chance once again.
   FATE?
...................

All I know is her children are in my house right now, and I already have the staff alerted to a fun breakfast at 9 sharp.    
   I should probably stop watching the angels sleep and take a nap too.
   There really isn't anything to think about except some boys being very surprised with a treat.
    Jackie already kissed me more than I can ever be thankful for.